The Shirley Exception

 

Opening Words:

La gaudiere—a glimpse of goodness you notice in someone that you wouldn’t expect, which often only detectable by sloshing them back and forth in your mind until everything dark and grey and common falls away, leaving something shining at the bottom of the pan—a rare element hidden deep in the bedrock, that must’ve been washed there by a storm somewhere upstream.

~The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

 

Sermon: The Shirley Exception

In our current political climate, there are many different groups of people who believe so many different things. It’s impossible to put labels on them all, because they are just so varied and have so many degrees of and reasons for belief in certain ideals and values. However, I want to talk about a group that has confused me from the very start of the Trump era. This group is your average everyday conservative, who has voted for Trump in both elections but probably doesn’t wear MAGA merch and doesn’t outwardly preach racism, sexism, or transphobia. They generally have gay friends and get along with their POC neighbors. This is a rather large group of people that are mostly kind and generally good people. So how could they vote for people and support policies that directly harm others?

I recently read a post that helped explain this phenomenon. In this post, author Alexandra Erin describes what she calls the “Shirley Exception”. She says “The Shirley Exception is a bit of mental sleight of hand that allows people to support a policy they profess to disagree with. It’s called the Shirley Exception because…

well, I mean, surely there must be exceptions, right?”

She goes on to explain that one of the most pressing fears of conservatives when it comes to policy is that somewhere someone who is “undeserving” will be able to game the system. Take, for example, Food Stamps or SNAP assistance. The basic conservative argument against it is that some people *could* use this system as a way to stay lazy and not work hard for their wealth. The idea that these “Welfare Queens” *could* exist is enough of a deterrent that conservatives think these systems should not exist at all to eliminate that very specific potential.

Another example is something like ICE deporting “illegals” and POC. The conservative disposition is that policies are made to deport these groups of people, but only the ones who “deserve it”. Because of course, your kind Latino neighbor who works hard and loves his children is an exception. Because he is one of the “good ones”. Because of course ICE would be able to determine this and know that your neighbor is not one of “those” people that the policy was created for.

This also explains the immediate backlash and juggle to find “reasons they deserved it” when someone gets killed by law enforcement. I’m sure we have all heard the “but he had a gun!” or “but she was on drugs!” reasonings for why these people deserved to be shot. This is a mental struggle to fit these people into their narrative about how the system and the world works, because if these were “good” people, then surely they would not have been killed.

So, the question is: what do we do about this? My answer is I do not know. Because when presented with the idea that we should then just put the exceptions into writing and policy, they immediately counter once again that someone might take advantage of it. They are totally fine with justice being decided on a case-by-case basis, which is unfortunately how justice tends to work, just not in the way they think it does. They believe that everyone shares their sense of morals and right and wrong, so the cases they think should be condemned will be condemned, and the “good ones” will get off scot free. If they cannot somehow blame the victim and prove they “deserved it”, they then apply exceptionalism to the enforcer saying things like “well that cop was just a bad apple, but MOST cops…”.

One of my main goals of explaining this phenomenon is to give us some context and understanding for why these people behave the way that they do. Now, the Shirley Exception is not an excuse and does not free these people from blame when bad things happen. However, it does give us a way to explain why people who are mostly good can support such terrible things. These people are not evil. Instead, they are just severely misguided about how the world, people, and policy work. They believe that life is mostly fair, and you will only get punished if you should get punished. So, what we are working with here is not just a view on exceptionalism, but in fact a whole worldview that dictates how your average conservative believes that God or the Universe works. So, when we are trying to show these people that the Shirley Exception is wrong, and you provide them with evidence, you are not just dealing with a specific scenario, but instead causing them extreme cognitive dissonance about how the world operates. This is no easy task, because when faced with cognitive dissonance, the reaction of most people is to double down on their beliefs and try to shut out anything that throws their world into chaos.

The first thing to remember when talking with these people about sensitive topics is to be gentle. Having your worldview questioned is not easy and can be incredibly painful and disorienting. It is important to tread with this in consideration during these conversations, and to realize that the restructuring of a worldview is most often a process rather than a realization. While we are not responsible for causing or facilitating this process, we can still be supportive to these people on their journey by offering small bits at a time that challenge their views and providing a compassionate landing space if and when they do come to the realization that the world is different than they thought. We should congratulate and shelter these people rather than shaming them for taking so long to get here.

Now, maybe one of the most important things to realize about the Shirley Exception is that this ideology is not exclusive to moderate conservatives. Even in the center and on the left, we often also hold these views that ourselves, our loved ones, or unique cases will be spared from political consequences. For example, when mask mandates went into place during Covid, I was of the opinion that “of course this would not be enforced on those who for legitimate reasons could not wear a mask”. This is not necessarily true. We need to genuinely think about these things in our policy making, because if something like an exception is not written into a law, then it can easily be over-enforced to not include fringe cases and unique scenarios. If we do not write down these exceptions and reasons for a law being put into place, it can also completely discredit the law and make it irrelevant. It is also important to look within ourselves and question where in our lives we put the Shirley Exception into practice. It does not say something inherently bad about someone just because they practice this ideal, but these areas are essential to look into and reflect on so that we can gain a more accurate view of the world and put more useful and civically responsible policy in place.

So, I invite you to start by putting yourself in the shoes of a moderate conservative and show gentleness and understanding when dealing with them. Then, I welcome you to take a look at your own beliefs and figure out what things you need to modify or research to become a more educated and responsible person.

 

Closing Words:

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason.

~Thomas Paine